God's "no" is hard

Today God said no.  He said no for you to get into TCA.  A school that I was convinced would help you learn.  It would help you with your dyslexia and REALLY help you to learn to learn correctly.  Last year, I didn't want to push getting you in after you were accepted. I didn't want to break the bank.  I chose to keep you at Grace.

So this year, when we applied, I guess I assumed it would be easier for you to get it but I knew it wasn't for sure. There were just a TON of kids applying and not that many spots.

And, God said no.  I have no idea  what this means.  I assume this means we will keep you at Grace, but I don't know.  I assume you can still play soccer with Grayson, but, I don't know.  I don't know anything except that I love you.

I love you so much and I will champion for you to get the BEST education I can possibly provide for you.  I will fight for you, for your learning, for your friends, I will fight.

You are a beautiful boy and I know you will be just fine.  You will have friends, you will have fun, you will have joy... but for today, I'm dreading telling you that you will no longer be in school with your best friend.  You will no longer play every sport with your best friend.  You will have to find new friends and I know you... you will adjust.

It changes things for me too and for that, I'm selfishly sad.  I don't have Tracy as my back-up at school. I don't have someone to rely on to pick you up, help me, etc... I lose that and for that, I am very, very sad.  She is my confidant, my partner in crime at Grace... one of my best friends.  And while I won't lose her friendship, it will change.  Just as mine did with Lindsay.  It will change.
 
But, I have hope for you and for me.  Hope that God has more, because his word promises that his ways are higher than our ways.  For some reason, he said no and because I believe, I will CHOOSE to believe and trust and have faith that he has it all worked out. God loves you more than I ever could, and I know that to be fact.

I will fight for you until I breathe my last breath.  We are just hitting a bump in the road, a change of direction.  But we're in it together, we'll be fine.

I love you Tristan Holt Barber!!!  Love, Mommy