Death and dying talks are no fun!

I've been sick for 24 days now.  I'm not sure if that is what sparked this conversation a week ago, but since it started it hasn't stopped.  Many tell me it's a phase, and while I hate that Tristan is feeling any of this, I love that he is so expressive with his feelings because normally, he's not.

But when I rolled over for hugs and kisses he was crying, bawling... then he just wrapped his arms around me and sobbed.  Once he calmed down enough to speak he just said "I don't want you to die, I don't ever want to live without you" - then the sobbing commenced.

Gosh, that was probably the hardest discussion we have ever had.  And, well... that discussion has happened every day since.

He's just working it out.

Mommy, can I keep you in a box so I can see you whenever I want?

Mommy, can you take pills to make you live longer?

What is the oldest you can POSSIBLY be?  How old will I be?

Can I take a pill and die with you?

DO I have to get married?  I always want to be with YOU - I don't want a girlfriend (can't wait until you read this one someday T!) :)

Anyway, I'm not making light of any of it.  I don't lie to Tristan, ever.  So we talked, a lot. We prayed, a lot. And, I told him - if he needs me to live in the mother's suite with a bunch of cats to make HIM feel better, fine, I'm in. He said I'm in charge of laundry and cooking then. Oh this kid...

The joy you bring to my life Tristan Holt Barber.  I adore you!!  And for the record, Mommy will ALWAYS be with you.  You grew inside me, and you are the only person in the whole wide world that knows what my heart sounds like from the INSIDE.  We are forever tied together and for that I will be eternally grateful!              
                                                                                   Love you Nugg, Mommy