When all you can do is worry, it's time to pray

Oh T, my heard is so sad, so heavy.  Unless God moves in a big way, you won't be going to TCA with your friends but hopefully you will remain at Grace until we can figure out what to do.

TCA is an insane amount of money, just completely out of our budget, as is Grace Academy but God HAS provided and I'm praying He does again.  God works miracles all the time and we need one.  Well, we need one IF this is in His will.

If I could get a job there it would be the answer to ALL of my prayers and help us so much. I would make less money but we could have generally the same schedules, and life would have much more balance.  I have wanted to be a stay-at-home mom so bad ... well... I love working but I've wanted more time, more flexibility and I don't have that and I know this will be a huge regret for as long as I live.

I stare at what is in the checkbook and what is needed and they are so far from coming close to being even... so far.  I hate that you will be separated from Grayson, but you survived Cohen being gone.  I hate that we won't be on sports teams anymore, everyone will be gone and there aren't enough boys in your school to make a team so where does this leave us?  I don't know.  It leaves me sad, and depressed and scared and angry.  Angry that I can't do more.

Why am I even writing this? Well, I guess it would be nice to see that God DOES answer prayer (if that's in His will) and if He doesn't... we'll see what he does on the other side.

Daddy and I discussed moving but we'd have to fix up our house and that won't be for a while.  You will NOT be in public school... like over my dead body - it's horrible here... and I can't quit my job.  

Mommy is sad, and scared and feels very alone.  But sitting here I am reminded, if we say we believe, we have to believe in the good, the bad and in the unknown. I'm in the unknown but holding fast to the knowledge that God is GREATER than anything we could ever face. I have to trust that you WILL be ok.